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Encountering denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced pitching manuscripts half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and numerous essays. Over the past two decades, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 annually. In total, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a advanced degree in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: At this point, almost everyone and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my success rate—that would be very discouraging.

For example: lately, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles in a row before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my book idea before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a project. One editor suggested that I submit my work only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I took them personally. It was not just my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could these people be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to decide on my labours? It’s nonsense and the magazine is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. What’s more, I’ll never be any good.

This continued for decades.

Excellent Examples

Of course, I was in excellent company. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was initially turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Most Presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were rejected repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have just published a like work, or have something in progress, or simply be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is not appealing. Or the editor believes I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the work I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my piece hastily to see its value.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my punctuation, particularly commas, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve published several titles—my first when I was 51, my second, a memoir, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. My writings have been published in publications big and little, in regional, worldwide sources. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily accept rejection at my age, because my, small achievements have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Setback can be educational, but only if you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What lessons have I acquired?

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